Comments on: Waiting (Christmas)

By: Grace Yin

Grace Yin — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 23:26:28 +0000

In reply to Carol Li. I asked her, and she said she wasn't offended. Although she said that if YOU said it, she'd be offended. Odd.

By: Carol Li

Carol Li — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 01:29:46 +0000

In reply to Grace Yin.

Grace is only trying to be supportive, Gloria. But you know, she’s write.
You’re developing your writing style really well, and it’s good. But it’s like trying to cook a wedding cake when you don’t even know how to frost a cookie yet. You’re trying to do a writing style that is a much higher level than you are used to. Like I said, if you stick to your own writing style, then you can develop more.
Overall, I think that if you do more works like The Whole Entire Time, then your writing style will gradually improve into something really good.
~Carol 🙂

By: Grace Yin

Grace Yin — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 03:27:23 +0000

Paragraph one: Hmm, doesn’t it sound like ‘Periwinkle Twinkle’? . . .
Paragraph two: I see now why kids shouldn’t use ‘And’ for the start of a sentence.
Three: You shouldn’t have, mm, ‘us’ knowing what ‘you’ does, as ‘I’ don’t have X-ray vision. So we should only hear one side of the story.
Four: Same as 3.
Five: You should use quotation marks. They keep it neat. And spacing, I’ll show you how.
Six: “Christmas arrived quickly” Shouldn’t it be arrives, if you’re going to keep it all in the present tense? We also don’t know why that person left her/him.
~grace yin
Overall: Develop your characters more. Which means, show us more of their personalities. All we see are two people being polite to each other. And I know you’re trying to create a sad ‘snow is falling’ feeling in the end, but like I said, we have no idea what just happened. Care to explain?