— [마지막처럼] BLACKPINK–
I’m kind of sick. Definitely uncomfortable. I think I have a lot of hatred. In a way. I hate a lot of things, I’m not super happy, optimistic, or positive. I also try and end up failing to change for the better. I think I consciously try to change into a better person (depends on what people want/expect but I really haven’t figured that out…), but I really don’t. I actually don’t try at all. And some people point it out. I’m trying, but it’s not working for me or anyone else.
ANYWAY. School’s over. Grade 8 is over. Report cards are out. I’m technically free to do whatever I want at home or outside. As I am a boring person with an ‘image’, I have nothing planned out. But that is fine. I’ll just go with the flow. 🙂
I’m gonna do some boring stuff so, bye. See ya!
– [Miss Right] 방탄소년단 –
I just blanked out for a really long time; I just stared at an empty page on the computer without doing anything. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. I’ve done some work, for example my art. I should do some of my math, but, I’m too lazy right now. Maybe I’ll do it later. I also have table tennis practice later. That means I should hurry up and do some work.
It’s almost Father’s Day. I don’t really talk about my family a lot. I’m not even sure if they read my blog, because if they do, I shouldn’t write what I feel about them on a public website like this. Typing is fun, but you know, safety first. I should make a Father’s Day card. Well, I’ll do that instead of my math project, just to feel a little more productive.
Tomorrow there are actual things happening. I have P.E. that requires me to enter the water again. I really don’t want to. I really don’t. Aanyway. There is also the Sports Banquet. Semi-formal. Well, that’s new.
My current song is ‘I Smile’ by DAY6, and I really like it for some reason. Maybe because I haven’t smiled in a while, meaningfully. Well, isn’t that depressing. Tomorrow sounds depressing.
I should go now and prepare my stuff for tomorrow. Goodnight!
For P.E. tomorrow, we are required to enter the water in order to get a passing mark. However, I am slightly (or VERY) terrified of going into the water. It’s not that I’m self-conscious, I literally don’t like submerging myself in water. Another thing is that I don’t know how to swim and I don’t plan on learning anytime soon. I don’t like this.
Nothing really happens these days; all I’ve been doing nowadays is do a lot of homework, watch things to get my mind off of working, and maybe just listening to music and not doing anything. I should really clean up for the day and prepare for tomorrow, but I don’t like thinking about tomorrow. Why can’t I stay awake for the whole time and still not get tired? So I don’t have to worry about a night, waking up in the morning, and I can spend the whole nighttime doing whatever I want to. And I don’t have to do work, since it’ll be done in the day. Nighttime is my aesthetic. I really like nighttime, despite the fact that you can’t see anything when it’s dark. Whatever, I’ll write something about darkness later when I have more time.
For now, I shall go, as my mother has advised me. Goodnight!
A busy intersection. The streets are filled with people despite the late hour.
This isn’t a special holiday, but why do you look so happy there?
Walk past, forget, keep going, remember, don’t look back.
The hallways seem to crush me,
as I walk behind and see all your backs turned on me.
You forget me so easily, how were we ever together?
I hint at a ‘hello’
but you just keep walking and ignore my wave.
Did we just drift apart?
Walk past, forget, keep going, remember, the times we were together.
Do you remember what they said about us?
We were going to meet new people, make new friends, find better people.
You were going to meet new people, make new friends, find better people.
I was going to meet new people, make new friends, find better people.
But I didn’t. I thought we were going to be together through all this.
But you did. You met new people, made new friends, found better people.
Walk past, forget, keep going, remember, just to forget yet again.
The same busy intersection. The same streets filled with people.
Except you’re not there.
Why can’t I see that you’re happy?
Walk by, wave, “hello,”, keep going.
I am late again. By another day. You know, I try to have at least two posts in one month, but for the past two months, I suck at remembering to write. Well, here we are in June. I really dislike how we are already in our last month of school. There are only 21 more days until school is out. However I still have many things to do. I still have to edit and print my English simile poem. My poem somehow turned depressing. Again. Just like my ‘I am From’ poems. I still have to study for my Socials test for next week, and then there is one more unit to cover. My Science is almost coming to an end. Art is wrapping up, Math is in the last project, and the other classes are just things I don’t exactly focus on, like French, P.E., and Home Ec. I have a skills test tomorrow in Home Ec. Well. I nearly forgot.
I guess I am really lonely, even though there are people around. I mean, if I tell my family or my one really close friend, they’ll go, ‘it’s okay, you still have us.’ But, really, I still have a sense of loneliness. I always look at people’s backs, so if I switch places with them and I can’t see their backs, I feel scared. But when I see their backs, I feel left behind if I don’t catch up. I really don’t get what I want.
There is a Sports Banquet for all the Spring and Summer sports teams. Sometime next week. There is a dress code. I dislike having a restriction even if it is to look semi-formal. I don’t like wearing dresses, so I guess I’ll wear something half casual, but a little more fancy, like some random thing hiding in the back of my closet that is not something I usually wear. If I can find something like that. My friend is worrying about it, but then again, it is our first fancy event since entering high school.
Tomorrow is another day of looking at people’s backs. I guess I should go sleep and get back up in the morning. Well then, goodnight! I mean, see ya!