so here we are

Welcome back to my blog! It has been quite some time since my last post. Nothing much has happened but at the same time, a lot has occurred. Last time I wrote, I was still coming to terms with the fact that I was accepted into university. Now, I have chosen all my classes for the university that I will attend in September.

Another big change is that I am officially done high school. I was able to get above 90% in all of my courses this year so I’m really proud that I didn’t die halfway through or give up. I just find it amazing that I was able to power through the incredibly poorly-planned year. In every event that was planned, something went wrong or had to be adjusted to avoid a massive problem. I guess these types of things are inevitable and should be expected because anything can happen.

My leaving ceremony occurred in the middle of a massive record-breaking heat wave. The day before my ceremony, it was 42 degrees Celsius! It was a terrible experience and I hope it never happens again but with the rate of climate change and all that is not being done in the world, I will most likely experience something similar again in the near future. Anyway, it was 38 degrees during my ceremony. I still had to wear the robe and all and the teachers and admins were all very alert for any students or staff who may have been on the verge of heat stroke. While I waited in line, I was very sweaty and they asked me if I was okay and if I needed a drink of water. I declined but kept fanning myself with my certificate folder. I found that I got a plaque for a service award and two scholarships. One was from the school’s Parent Advisory Council and the other was from the photography studio that works with the school and for my work on the school’s yearbook. That was fun! These were monetary so it helps me for next year.

Speaking of next year, I cannot imagine myself in university. It doesn’t seem impossible and I think that I can do it. There are so many things to do on my own and there are so many things to keep track of. I have yet to do so many things. I need to get better at taking initiative and prioritizing things correctly in my life. That will require some more confidence and courage which will take time. I don’t really want to spend time trying to do that because I don’t know how to do it. Do I have to fake it ’til I make it? I’m not sure. Do I need to actually believe in myself? I don’t think I can. Either way, I’ll just go in blindly and hope for the best. That doesn’t sound like a good plan, haha. I will do my research, prepare for all scenarios, and then simply do my best. The worst possible outcome is… that I fail. Which then means that I will have to try again.

I think I am thinking myself in circles again. I will be okay this year. Anyhow! There is only one more full month left before I start panicking about physically going to university. I want to make plans with my old classmates but I am terribly too awkward to reach out. I promise I will soon. After I recover. From my second vaccination and pain from being a female. Great times.

Other than my transition into university, I hope the world is doing okay (based off of the news, it ain’t). The Olympics are a good distraction from world issues. Watching the Olympics reminds me that I should start training for table tennis try-outs at the university soon. There are only a few more months and I haven’t touched a racket in yet another year. I’m going to be terrible at it when I start again which only means that I will have to try again at all the skills and techniques. I guess everything in this post is about trying things again if it doesn’t work the first time. Here’s to attempt 3!

Happy End of July. Enjoy the summer. Eat good food! Have fun!

20→21

Happy New Year. I hope this year brings happier times. As always, I am going to reflect on my resolutions, write about how 2020 went for me, and maybe even make new goals.

Last year, I made 3 resolutions. Let’s see how they’ve gone:

  1. Stay on task. Close other tabs when there is a deadline. Resist the urge to check the phone.
    • This is hard to measure, but I have done everything on time and I don’t think I’ve had any issues with getting an assignment completed. I may have procrastinated a few times, but I still left enough time for my work to be completed and to be of good quality.
  2. Exercise certain areas at least twice a week.
    • Why did I word this in this way? Basically, I think I meant that I wanted to stay in shape. Well, due to the pandemic, I stopped having practice every week and I stopped walking around at school. I’m still relatively in shape (I actually lost a bit of weight but I think that was all muscle mass) but of course, there are areas of improvement.
  3. Clean my room and desk regularly.
    • I actually did this one recently! I kept my desk clean most of the time. Last week, I moved all my stuff to my bedroom instead of where I was before. So everything is tidy as of right now.

Solid. I’ve done them all and I should continue to work hard to maintain these habits.

A lot happened in 2020. I did a lot of work last year. I did well in my grade 11 year so I’m very proud of myself. My first class of grade 12 also went by pretty well. I plan on continuing to do my best for my work and hopefully, I do not burn out or get super sad again. I like to watch dramas to stop worrying about stuff so I think I’ll be fine. I recently watched something really good with my sister so we will be okay for now. I applied to universities and for scholarships so I hope I hear back from them soon. I keep checking to see if they have finished with my application or something but I think I’m thinking too much about it. I should focus on finishing grade 12 first!

Anyway. It’s 2021, so that means I graduate high school this year. I should be able to get through that alright. I kind of want to go on a grad trip during the summer but who knows what the world will be like then. Who knows if anyone will want to go anywhere with me (other than a family trip, maybe having a friend trip will be fun, I don’t know). I will make some small goals for this year:

  1. Do well in the rest of my classes and do my best in every class.
  2. Focus on myself. Do what I want to do.
  3. Be tidy and keep being organized. Sleep and get up earlier.

That’s about it. I hope I make better memories this year and that I get through it well. Until next time!

a very merry christmas

Happy Holidays! It’s Christmas, which means gifts and a feast. Christmas also takes place during the winter break, so I’ve been just chilling at home.

During the past month or so, I’ve completed my English course with a very high mark, finished part of the yearbook, and done well in my second course of the year. I feel like I’ve accomplished quite a bit. I also applied to universities and scholarships. So far, I’ve been rejected by a scholarship thing. It is one of the more competitive ones so I’m not surprised by this outcome. I would be more surprised if I was accepted.

Since it is Christmas, I should think more positively. My family and I got up at around 11am to open presents. That was pretty nice and fun because my brother was extremely pumped. He’s been pumped since… the beginning of December. Which is good, but he’s kind of annoying…

Anyway, I got a scarf, a tuque, some chocolates, a sweater, and a nice pen. Pretty solid stuff. 🙂 Now I can smell the lamb shank my dad is making. Smells great. Merry Christmas!

no problem

School ended about a month ago. Grade 11 has ended on an uneventful note. Quietly, school is over and summer vacation has begun. All that is happening, is happening in my head.

These days, my head feels quite stuffy. Not in a sick way, but in a more ‘brain space’ way. I feel like I am running out of space in my brain for thoughts. To be honest, I felt that way for the entirety of this year. I just completed assignment after assignment without having the brain capacity to think about myself. For the past 4 months, I have spent most of my time at home, laying down for hours on end. Just kidding. However, I have been spending more time laying in bed before actually getting up. I spend an average of an hour in bed from the moment I crack open my eyes to the moment I leave for the washroom. I realize that that is not very productive.

This past week, I’ve been able to let some steam out. It had been building up for a long time, probably since the beginning of this year.

2020. Very interesting year for everyone I believe. I think the main reason for my stress these days is because of Grade 12. I very much dislike my school’s environment. All the students do is compare, brag, and complain. It’s incredibly annoying, toxic, and depressing, so I try not to participate and I try to tell the people around me not to. Or change the subject because I can’t change others. Anyway. I was going to say something about grade 12. I can’t remember what it was though.

These past 4 months was a good break from that school environment. I got to take a break from people. It was a much-needed break and I will have to take some time to readjust to school when it starts. Anyhow, I will be moving on if I want to or not. Until next time!

New Year’s Resolutions 2020

Shall I go over last year’s resolutions? I think I did a review half-way through the year as well. So maybe I’ll go through the midway ones. Grey is the original resolution. Blue is the comment that I made in June. Black is me Right Now.

  1. Arrange work in a more organized way (actually follow a schedule!)
    I like to think that I have organized my work in relatively well order. However, I have placed myself in a hard position where assignments were slightly piling up and I was stressing myself out.
    I have begun to prioritize things. There’s no specific order. I think I still need to figure out a better system though. To keep my desk less cluttered.
  2. Be more outgoing! Maybe do some work experience this year…
    I did and am doing work experience. I also went outside more often with classmates. I made more friends this year. Very good!
    I went places with my friends in 2019. Fun! Became better friends with some people and learned how to talk in a better way to people.
  3. Try to… have more self-awareness?? Also be more aware of others and where I am among them.
    I seem to be too aware these days. I am too wary of myself ad my actions. Kind of tiring but it helps me understand others better. Others are also humans and have feelings and are unpredictable (as much as I’d like to predict other people…)
    I am more aware. And I have developed a voice that I use specifically when ordering things and talking to teachers.
  4. Draw, read, and write more often to keep the creative process ongoing.
    I drew throughout the year in art class and in English. I went to the library more often this year and read more books. I still have more books that I want to read. I also have many ideas for things to write about. I will get to them after summer vacation is fully in swing.
    In the first half of the year, I was more creative. In the second half, I was more occupied. I also did not take an art class. Will work on this one more.
  5. Put more effort towards friends. (For example: go out with them, help them, be more caring, talk to them more, etc.)
    I WENT OUT TODAY WITH FRIENDS. I realized that I am accidentally in many friend groups at once. Tiring as well… That’s not their fault, it’s my own for thinking too much probably.
    I have narrowed down my friend group. I don’t know if I really have any friends, but I think I have at least one.
  6. Be more mature (how vague…) and think more before acting. Think about the consequences, how my action can affect others, and how I feel.
    I think I think a lot more now. A lot more.
    Lots think. Yes.
  7. Improve handwriting. Printing. I don’t know, just more… good-looking.
    I completely forgot about this one and I actually think that my printing has gotten worse.
    My printing has gotten better, to be honest. More neat and… I don’t know, mature? 
  8. Exercise more. Go for runs, practise more table tennis (maybe arrange for more practices??), and do stretches and other exercises more regularly.
    I play table tennis for four hours at a time. I should do other exercises too.
    I still play a lot of table tennis.
  9. Plan ahead. Like… uh… Watch out for deadlines and get things done ahead of time so that I have time to look things over and get things done to the best of my ability.
    Kind of redundant to be honest. This one is like number 1. Still needs some work, just like everything else.
    Currently working on it.

Maybe I should make fewer resolutions. Perhaps I’ll go about growth in steps. Smaller steps.

  1. Stay on task. Close other tabs when there is a deadline. Resist the urge to check the phone.
  2. Exercise certain areas at least twice a week.
  3. Clean room and desk regularly.

That’s it. Start small I guess. 2020. We’ll see how it turns out.

packing it in

Today we began packing for our summer trip to Shanghai, China. As of right now, we have packed most of our check-in luggage. For me, most of the items that I packed into mine are actually not my things. My things probably take up a quarter of the space. Oof : )

While opening some packaging, I got a paper (cardboard) cut. On three fingers, but only one bled. I’m very smart. Anyhow. I’m slightly worried that I will forget to bring something or I will bring too much or bring something I’m not supposed to bring. There are lots of things that I am thinking about these days, for no actual reason. Or maybe there is a reason, but I’m overthinking about it. Or perhaps it is not for me to worry about. But I’d like to help and not feel like a terrible person by not thinking about it. Oh well. I guess I’ll go with the flow again.

Stomachache. I feel like my appetite and ability to eat a lot has decreased this year. And the ability to digest. Or maybe I eat too much now. I don’t know but food is good and I eat either way. Instead of thinking about it, I just go with it until I feel uncomfortable or something like that. Going with the flow~.

Until next time… Maybe I’ll be elsewhere when I post again, or maybe I’ll be back from my trip!

what is on the other side?

I have neglected to write since the start of the year. I think I was… very distracted. By various things. I still am distracted. Some things that I have been occupied by are school, sports, TV dramas, movies, and music. Upon further analysis, it appears that school work and TV dramas are the main cause of this lack of presence on this blog.

School work. It appears that I always care more than I would like to. Especially for group projects. I hate having to make sure I am not being a burden. This is where I get frustrated; I act nice to those who become a burden to me. Why can’t I stand my ground? Why am I not resolute? Aside from an internal struggle with myself, I think I’m doing pretty well for the past two terms. There is one more term of grade 10. I can’t seem to wrap my head around that concept. I have 2 more years to go. Before I know it… it will be over. I’ll have to begin anew. I have to find a purpose in this society. Haha. That sounds funny. Not entirely sure why though.

It is Spring Break, which explains how I found the time to notice that it has been a while since I last posted. There are two more Spring Breaks after this one. There are many things I am going to have to do. I hope I don’t procrastinate. I have many things to do (does repeating this make me feel like I must complete all my homework?). I have to complete my Science Enrichment Project. I have to begin my English Portfolio. I have to read a book (and figure out what I am going to with it). I have to go to the dentist this week. I have to help a school sports team by being their manager (I’m not complaining, I think it will be fun or interesting). Hopefully, I can finish all that I listed just now.

I don’t know what to do now. I guess I’ll be OK. For now.

don’t wanna play

Grade 10 has begun and I’m not quite sure as to what I am doing. I’ve finally completed a week, more like three days of school. My brother is in grade 2 and my sister is in her first year of university. Once again, I’m completely in the middle, not sure of what I’m doing. I mean, it totally makes sense that I’m in the middle, but I don’t really like it. I’m the middle child, the second in almost everything I do. Rarely am I first. Or last. Not that I really want to be in either of those positions, but sometimes I feel insignificant.

Anyhow. There has been no work assigned which is great. All I have been doing in my classes is listen to expectations, what types of work we will be doing later, and how certain things are marked in the course. I took my first notes of the year yesterday in Law, which I personally find interesting. The problem is that I wrote my notes in pencil, so I should go over them in ink and make them look nicer. And highlight certain things. There are a few vocab words. I should also think about what I’m gonna write for in an intro assignment I have in a class I have on Monday. I’m going to be pretty preoccupied with many things I am thinking about.

I didn’t write in August for many reasons. I was just finishing summer school. I was helping my sister pack. I was taking a rest by watching many TV shows, reading books (although it was a bit above my understanding), and slacking off. My family and I went to Whistler for a week and we went to the new suspension bridge near the top of the mountain. I ate a lot. I walked a lot. My sister at the end of August, and my brother always brings up how things were more fun with the three of us, not just the two of us. Which kind of hurts. Lol.

Anyway, I really don’t know much so don’t ask me too much. Hahaha. Until next time!

for some reason, i forgot

Summer is in full swing. I have summer school in the morning; I take Social Studies 10 so I can take other Socials classes next year. When it is September, I will be in grade 10. That means only two more years until I will be doing what my sister is doing. She’s going to university this year! She’ll be moving out, which is strange, because we’ve been together for my entire life, sharing the same room, food, and toys. It will be strange if she isn’t here. It will be just my brother and me.

My brother! Will be in grade 2. Man, I remember grade 2. That year was my last year at my elementary school before I moved to another elementary school. I may have seemed to others that I didn’t care about moving, or rather, they thought that I enjoyed it. Actually, I cried. A bit. Over my two best friends. Now, one is kind of distant from what I remembered her to be like, while the other, I haven’t seen since. She moved too, I heard. Social interactions give me headaches sometimes.

I take an online course that has something due every day and I don’t like to get ahead, so I start it the day before it is due, then finish and hand it in on the day it is due. Which is kind of low-key procrastination. But I don’t have the motivation to do more than one assignment per day. I don’t wanna do it. Anyway. It is getting late, so until next time. Hopefully I don’t skip a month. 🙂

the probability of one

I haven’t written for a while. My typing skills have decreased a bit in quality. I’m a lot slower. My Computers teacher noticed that a lot of us do not type using home row. I mean I can still type, just not using home row. I can still type relatively quickly. Just maybe not as fast as others do.

I have a few small projects, and I seem to have forgotten to announce that it is no the third term of grade 9. I signed up for summer school today. I’m only doing one class. And one online class. I’m slightly worried about how my registration has gone through because I messed up once and had to withdraw a class that I had mistakenly signed up for. Anyway, I have some Art homework. I should get to that. Until next time, maybe even next month! 🙂