not the greatest time

So this might not be the best time of day to be writing a blog post, but I’m already here. Good morning! Or afternoon or night, wherever you might be reading this from… geographically and time-wise.

I’m pretty swamped. Compared to last semester, I’m definitely more busy and tired. I’m also trying my best to space my assignments out, but due to travel plans, I’ve squished some together so I end up scheduling multiple things a day. There is also the self-brought pressure of wanting to do well in classes. Doing well will be defined as a B or up. However, if I end up getting a C+ in a class (something that I am prepared for… in one of my classes), it should be fine. Although it will impact my GPA, I am only in my first year. I should be able to make up for it in later years. Right!

The reason why I am so swamped this semester is probably because I am taking 5 courses instead of 4. Although this is only one more course than before, I have to memorize a lot of things for at least 3 of my classes. They are either term-based memorization or theory-based. Either way, there are constantly a lot of words swimming through my eyes and into my brain and probably back out because I can hardly remember.

I actually meant to write at least once a month, but… there are lots of things to be done. I have to do my taxes soon. I want to get to driving lessons, but I will probably have to postpone it my another year. I’ll get lessons first! That may occur this summer if the driving schools I’m looking at have an okay waitlist. Speaking of waitlists… I am waitlisted for a summer session course. I am also waitlisted for a job opportunity at my school, but it’s okay, I got an offer for a smaller role. I won’t be making a lot, but any money is nice! I’ve never had a job before… To be fair, this opportunity is more similar to a volunteer position, but it’s all-day and there’s a goo amount of training involved so it makes sense.

Anyhow, I am extremely tired and tomorrow is another long day. Bedtime for me then :))

and ont(w)o 2022

Happy New Year! Despite having only three exams this past semester, I probably only did well on two of the three. I did my last one on a dreary Wednesday morning at 8:30 AM and it was open book. That made it a bit more comfortable but I was unable to form coherent sentences that early in the morning. This is especially difficult for this exam since it was an essay question. Aside from that… I received a final grade for my (mandatory) writing class. I got a B in the class! This is good news to me. A B mark is pretty good and I got above the class average so that makes my day. Another grade was released sometime yesterday and I got a B+! Made my day, although I only checked in the middle of the night (or early morning…). I did my best this semester but there are some study habits and writing skills that I can improve on. Of course, there is always space for improvement, even if I manage to get an A in any of my courses. I’m still waiting on two more classes to upload grades so I hope I’m ready. :]]

Now onto the main topic. Today is the first day of 2022! A lot happened last year: I got into universities, got scholarships, graduated from high school, survived a heat dome, survived intense rainstorms, completed the first semester of university, and most importantly, I survived the year without getting sick. Hopefully I (and my family) can continue to be healthy and avoid getting sick. Sometimes I wonder when this will all be over but at the same time, I can’t seem to remember what it was like before the pandemic. I distinctly remember my last day of school before the pandemic and some of my thoughts–I was inΒ  my high school’s yearbook room and was talking to one of my classmates about school going on an indefinite break after the Spring Break. We were making some predictions of what was going to happen in the next few weeks. Who knew it was going to go this far? Who knew that part of this upcoming semester was going to be fully online?

To be honest, I don’t have a preference yet, whether or not a class is in-person or online. It is fun to have in-person classes to see all the different people in my classes and people-watch, essentially. Online classes are a bit more convenient because I can sit in the library if I can’t make it to the classroom on time. Or, if the weather is bad, I can stay at home. Discussion classes probably work better in person. Considering how awkward the in-person session was, I think going online will only make it worse because it is even harder to pick up on social cues and when it would be a suitable time to talk without interrupting someone and it would prolong the silence and lead us nowhere.

Anyhow, I will be working on making this year better than the previous. There a few things that have to be done this year, including attending my sister’s graduation events, learning how to drive, finish year one and declare a major and minor (hopefully), and improving my studying skills. I have some new resolutions for 2022, so here we go:

    1. Make study plans and schedule out assignments.
    2. Learn how to drive.
    3. Keep track of finances.

Although some seem broad, I have more detailed notes to myself of how to achieve them. It’s good to set goals but it is also important to write down the steps to achieving them. At least for me πŸ™‚

This post was very difficult for me to complete and it took me a few weeks to write this so this post is a bit all over the place. I don’t know why it took me so long and so many tries to do this, but I guess I am taking this break a little too seriously. I’m going to be hanging out with a university friend tomorrow, which I’ve never done before. We are being cautious though and only sticking to local places so it’s relatively safe, pandemic-wise. Hope all will be well soon. Happy New Year!

doing great

Without meaning to, it is already December. I meant to publish a post in September and October but I got a bit caught up in school. Since my last post in the summer, I have gotten used to my commute to university, familiarized myself with the buildings at my school that I need to know, got another scholarship, turned 18, got onto the university’s table tennis team, and went to a team dinner (for the first time). I also experienced my first midterm season and wrote my first few university term papers. Before I know it, there is only one more term paper for me to write and then it will be finals season!

I don’t know how I got here. Every month, I take a whole day off to wallow in my thoughts. It’s quite interesting. I have managed to make no progress on a specific issue for about a year and a half. I am still stuck on an issue from 18 months ago. Is a year not enough? Apparently not. While I may not be off the deep end, what is concerning to me is the number of times I think about it in a week. I feel like it’s a bit dumb. It’s annoying and I don’t know what to do about it. I think i may need another 18 months to figure it out.

Aside from a personal problem, I think I’m doing alright. I am passing my courses so far. I think so, and I hope so. I hope I will do well enough on my final exams so that I can achieve a solid B. I’m not gonna go for As, if I manage to do well enough to get an A, that would be great. If I don’t get an A, that’s fine too. As long as I pass this semester, it will be fine.

Jumping a bit back to the intro; it’s December! Which means Christmastime, gifts, snow (more like more rain actually), and lights. I don’t know what I’m going to be doing this year that will make it different from previous years. In fact, I’m pretty sure nothing will be different from previous years. It will just be a quiet family thing. It will all be fine and I will be okay and functioning. That is the hope. I hope all will be well.

so here we are

Welcome back to my blog! It has been quite some time since my last post. Nothing much has happened but at the same time, a lot has occurred. Last time I wrote, I was still coming to terms with the fact that I was accepted into university. Now, I have chosen all my classes for the university that I will attend in September.

Another big change is that I am officially done high school. I was able to get above 90% in all of my courses this year so I’m really proud that I didn’t die halfway through or give up. I just find it amazing that I was able to power through the incredibly poorly-planned year. In every event that was planned, something went wrong or had to be adjusted to avoid a massive problem. I guess these types of things are inevitable and should be expected because anything can happen.

My leaving ceremony occurred in the middle of a massive record-breaking heat wave. The day before my ceremony, it was 42 degrees Celsius! It was a terrible experience and I hope it never happens again but with the rate of climate change and all that is not being done in the world, I will most likely experience something similar again in the near future. Anyway, it was 38 degrees during my ceremony. I still had to wear the robe and all and the teachers and admins were all very alert for any students or staff who may have been on the verge of heat stroke. While I waited in line, I was very sweaty and they asked me if I was okay and if I needed a drink of water. I declined but kept fanning myself with my certificate folder. I found that I got a plaque for a service award and two scholarships. One was from the school’s Parent Advisory Council and the other was from the photography studio that works with the school and for my work on the school’s yearbook. That was fun! These were monetary so it helps me for next year.

Speaking of next year, I cannot imagine myself in university. It doesn’t seem impossible and I think that I can do it. There are so many things to do on my own and there are so many things to keep track of. I have yet to do so many things. I need to get better at taking initiative and prioritizing things correctly in my life. That will require some more confidence and courage which will take time. I don’t really want to spend time trying to do that because I don’t know how to do it. Do I have to fake it ’til I make it? I’m not sure. Do I need to actually believe in myself? I don’t think I can. Either way, I’ll just go in blindly and hope for the best. That doesn’t sound like a good plan, haha. I will do my research, prepare for all scenarios, and then simply do my best. The worst possible outcome is… that I fail. Which then means that I will have to try again.

I think I am thinking myself in circles again. I will be okay this year. Anyhow! There is only one more full month left before I start panicking about physically going to university. I want to make plans with my old classmates but I am terribly too awkward to reach out. I promise I will soon. After I recover. From my second vaccination and pain from being a female. Great times.

Other than my transition into university, I hope the world is doing okay (based off of the news, it ain’t). The Olympics are a good distraction from world issues. Watching the Olympics reminds me that I should start training for table tennis try-outs at the university soon. There are only a few more months and I haven’t touched a racket in yet another year. I’m going to be terrible at it when I start again which only means that I will have to try again at all the skills and techniques. I guess everything in this post is about trying things again if it doesn’t work the first time. Here’s to attempt 3!

Happy End of July. Enjoy the summer. Eat good food! Have fun!

an accomplishment

Actually, I have accomplished a few things this year already.

My most important accomplishments thus far are SFU and UBC offers. For some reason, I thought it would be difficult to get in but I was told that it is easier to get in than to graduate. This means that I should double (maintain?) my efforts in university. Anyways, I’m quite excited to get out of high school. I think I just really want to leave the environment with the same few people. Perhaps I just want to go to a new environment and meet new people to see what happens. I want to experience something new and I want to move on to the next part of my life.

My more minor accomplishments include: a great English mark, a wonderful Literature mark, a very high Human Geography mark, and a completed Yearbook cover. I also got bonus marks on a summer project I did for Biology. That made me feel good. I like praise. πŸ™‚

There have been some changes with how I am feeling with regards to AP exams. The AP Biology exam date was announced and I will only have 6 weeks of instructional time with the course before the exam. So, I either self-study beforehand or I don’t do it. I don’t think it’s worth it so I asked the office for a refund and it was done.

I find that I am always unsure. I am unsure about everything. I am not even sure if that sentence was necessary. However, I have been very decisive at school regarding the yearbook. I have a lot of complaints regarding yearbook. I have a lot on my mind these days. Why should people ‘put up’ with an uncomfortable situation? If something is making you uncomfortable, you should speak up and let others know. If something isn’t quite right, make it so that it is better. If something is out of your control, then do something that you have control over that will make yourself feel better. Why must people 忍 uncomfortable situations and environments?

So, recently I have been doing what makes me feel better about my situation. Although things may get awkward and uncomfortable at times, I face situations that I have to face and get them over with. I do things that make me feel better and things that will make things better in the long run. However, I get stuck in the process. Sometimes I don’t know how to make things better. I want things to get better but I don’t know what to do. Anyways, I am taking more initiative than I have before so I think this is a good start. I used to being quite passive so I think this is already a lot.

In other news (although still related to school, as that is the only thing going on, ever), spring break is coming up and there are three more months of high school. Spring break reminds me of what happened last year. How interesting… time passes so quickly. I have to do a project over the break, prepare for a deadline, study for an exam, and preview a course. I hope I do what I just mentioned. Last winter break, I did absolutely nothing. I will regulate myself better this time. 2 weeks is very short, after all.

For now, I will try my best to complete my job and make things better than they are right now. Until next time!

20β†’21

Happy New Year. I hope this year brings happier times. As always, I am going to reflect on my resolutions, write about how 2020 went for me, and maybe even make new goals.

Last year, I made 3 resolutions. Let’s see how they’ve gone:

  1. Stay on task. Close other tabs when there is a deadline. Resist the urge to check the phone.
    • This is hard to measure, but I have done everything on time and I don’t think I’ve had any issues with getting an assignment completed. I may have procrastinated a few times, but I still left enough time for my work to be completed and to be of good quality.
  2. Exercise certain areas at least twice a week.
    • Why did I word this in this way? Basically, I think I meant that I wanted to stay in shape. Well, due to the pandemic, I stopped having practice every week and I stopped walking around at school. I’m still relatively in shape (I actually lost a bit of weight but I think that was all muscle mass) but of course, there are areas of improvement.
  3. Clean my room and desk regularly.
    • I actually did this one recently! I kept my desk clean most of the time. Last week, I moved all my stuff to my bedroom instead of where I was before. So everything is tidy as of right now.

Solid. I’ve done them all and I should continue to work hard to maintain these habits.

A lot happened in 2020. I did a lot of work last year. I did well in my grade 11 year so I’m very proud of myself. My first class of grade 12 also went by pretty well. I plan on continuing to do my best for my work and hopefully, I do not burn out or get super sad again. I like to watch dramas to stop worrying about stuff so I think I’ll be fine. I recently watched something really good with my sister so we will be okay for now. I applied to universities and for scholarships so I hope I hear back from them soon. I keep checking to see if they have finished with my application or something but I think I’m thinking too much about it. I should focus on finishing grade 12 first!

Anyway. It’s 2021, so that means I graduate high school this year. I should be able to get through that alright. I kind of want to go on a grad trip during the summer but who knows what the world will be like then. Who knows if anyone will want to go anywhere with me (other than a family trip, maybe having a friend trip will be fun, I don’t know). I will make some small goals for this year:

  1. Do well in the rest of my classes and do my best in every class.
  2. Focus on myself. Do what I want to do.
  3. Be tidy and keep being organized. Sleep and get up earlier.

That’s about it. I hope I make better memories this year and that I get through it well. Until next time!

a very merry christmas

Happy Holidays! It’s Christmas, which means gifts and a feast. Christmas also takes place during the winter break, so I’ve been just chilling at home.

During the past month or so, I’ve completed my English course with a very high mark, finished part of the yearbook, and done well in my second course of the year. I feel like I’ve accomplished quite a bit. I also applied to universities and scholarships. So far, I’ve been rejected by a scholarship thing. It is one of the more competitive ones so I’m not surprised by this outcome. I would be more surprised if I was accepted.

Since it is Christmas, I should think more positively. My family and I got up at around 11am to open presents. That was pretty nice and fun because my brother was extremely pumped. He’s been pumped since… the beginning of December. Which is good, but he’s kind of annoying…

Anyway, I got a scarf, a tuque, some chocolates, a sweater, and a nice pen. Pretty solid stuff. πŸ™‚ Now I can smell the lamb shank my dad is making. Smells great. Merry Christmas!

[insert synonym for respond]

I’m 17 now.Β  Actually, I’ve been 17 for 22 days. Ain’t that wild. Apparently, my age is surprising to many people. My parents weren’t prepared for my growth. My sister can’t believe I’m taller than her. My brother… to be honest, I don’t know what his thoughts are on this topic. Office ladies at school think I’m older than I actually am.Β I think I’m just me. It doesn’t really matter how old I am. I’m still me from the day before.

School is all I have been doing. School is all I can do right now. I’ve been putting a lot of effort into my one class: English Literature and Composition. I think I made too many mistakes. Papers and essays are difficult to write. My brain is getting slower and slower. My memory is getting worse. I’m getting more tired. I get more tired with every passing day. School is sucking the life out of me but universities are trying to promise a future. University applications are coming along. Scholarships are a lot of work. I hope I can get into universities. I think I can.

I think I use the words “I think” too often. Do I really think? We don’t know. I think I think. I should write something about this! An essay! For my portfolio! I’m just kidding, I already have enough work to do. Speaking of work, I’m not doing it right now. Procrastination is happening whether or not I want it to happen. I’ve been working on my procrastination habits. I think I’ve been quite efficient this year. Other than… my term paper. I procrastinated on that for a long time. Nevertheless, I got it done and it’s handed in on time.

The month of October was spent on AP Lit and Yearbook. It was the beginning of getting organized. September was very confusing. I was still adjusting to my new schedule. Nothing happened in October. I turned 17. I took graduation photos. I went shopping for dresses for that. Can you imagine that? Now, it is November and this first quarter of school is coming to an end. I’m going to do my homework now. Until next time.

eye bags and hand sanitizer

Those are the two most memorable things from the past 6 months. I have some very prominent eye bags.

Grade 12 has begun and I only have one class for the next couple of weeks. Despite having only one class officially, I have to figure out how to do the school yearbook right now. Hopefully, we can finish ours this year. There are a lot of ideas and there’s a lot to do.

I feel very drained already. It has only been 2 weeks since classes began. I’m very tired. I began waking up earlier in the day so I can get my work done and then do my university and scholarship applications. I’m trying to be a bit healthier (?). For example, I’m sleeping slightly earlier and waking up earlier. I prioritize, use a binder, have a planner (that I actually use), and keep myself organized.

I always have this feeling in the back of my head, telling me that sometime soon, my organized facade is going to crumble and I’m going to fall behind. I feel like I am usually someone who is not very put-together. I am usually someone that is frazzled when there are too many things happening at once. I’m trying my best to have my stuff together and be organized. Once I get home, I feel all the stress, pressure, and tiredness come all at once. I’ve gotten very close to crying yesterday. I didn’t even have a valid reason.

Anyway, I will get through this somehow. As I always do.

no problem

School ended about a month ago. Grade 11 has ended on an uneventful note. Quietly, school is over and summer vacation has begun. All that is happening, is happening in my head.

These days, my head feels quite stuffy. Not in a sick way, but in a more ‘brain space’ way. I feel like I am running out of space in my brain for thoughts. To be honest, I felt that way for the entirety of this year. I just completed assignment after assignment without having the brain capacity to think about myself. For the past 4 months, I have spent most of my time at home, laying down for hours on end. Just kidding. However, I have been spending more time laying in bed before actually getting up. I spend an average of an hour in bed from the moment I crack open my eyes to the moment I leave for the washroom. I realize that that is not very productive.

This past week, I’ve been able to let some steam out. It had been building up for a long time, probably since the beginning of this year.

2020. Very interesting year for everyone I believe. I think the main reason for my stress these days is because of Grade 12. I very much dislike my school’s environment. All the students do is compare, brag, and complain. It’s incredibly annoying, toxic, and depressing, so I try not to participate and I try to tell the people around me not to. Or change the subject because I can’t change others. Anyway. I was going to say something about grade 12. I can’t remember what it was though.

These past 4 months was a good break from that school environment. I got to take a break from people. It was a much-needed break and I will have to take some time to readjust to school when it starts. Anyhow, I will be moving on if I want to or not. Until next time!