real life

What do I want to do in the future? Which university do I want to go to? What do I want to major in? What job do I want?

Everything at school is now turning to what I want to do. Originally, I felt like that was a good thing. Having choices and freedom; those are some pretty important things. I just don’t know what to do with myself.

I’m 16 now. I can technically go get my L license for driving. Sometime. I should do it soon. Or maybe not. I don’t know.

The time I am having at school is not a great one. I think I messed up my year in the first month of it. I did something. Now someone is still unhappy with me. I don’t know what to do. Should I confront them about it? Should I just let it marinate until we forget about it? I feel like I should ask them about it next week. (yes)

Back to what I want. The things that I want are… to be happy and to go to a place where I feel relaxed. I’m constantly in a state of nervousness or worrying, which is not a wonderful feeling to have all the time. I open an app and I suddenly remember homework, appointments, and projects that I have to do. I’m reminded because of people. People only talk to me about homework. I only have friends because we did a project together or we sat together or they have something that they want from me. I want to have a friendship that relies more on the time that we spend together. Can I just have fun and relax? I don’t want to have to be constantly thinking about work.

I want to have fun and friends that are willing to have fun with me. I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be many people that are willing to do that with me. Or is it me? Am I not willing to go out with other people? Is that why no one asks me? (yes)

I guess I will have to think about this more. But I don’t have that much time these days due to homework. (and procrastination)

Until next time I suppose.

packing it in

Today we began packing for our summer trip to Shanghai, China. As of right now, we have packed most of our check-in luggage. For me, most of the items that I packed into mine are actually not my things. My things probably take up a quarter of the space. Oof : )

While opening some packaging, I got a paper (cardboard) cut. On three fingers, but only one bled. I’m very smart. Anyhow. I’m slightly worried that I will forget to bring something or I will bring too much or bring something I’m not supposed to bring. There are lots of things that I am thinking about these days, for no actual reason. Or maybe there is a reason, but I’m overthinking about it. Or perhaps it is not for me to worry about. But I’d like to help and not feel like a terrible person by not thinking about it. Oh well. I guess I’ll go with the flow again.

Stomachache. I feel like my appetite and ability to eat a lot has decreased this year. And the ability to digest. Or maybe I eat too much now. I don’t know but food is good and I eat either way. Instead of thinking about it, I just go with it until I feel uncomfortable or something like that. Going with the flow~.

Until next time… Maybe I’ll be elsewhere when I post again, or maybe I’ll be back from my trip!

mid-year reflection 2019

Just for fun, I will be reviewing my New Year’s Resolutions from January this year. Perhaps I might mope as well. Anyhow, I am going to reflect on this past year and look forward to this second half.

  1. Arrange work in a more organized way (actually follow a schedule!)
    I like to think that I have organized my work in relatively well order. However, I have placed myself in a hard position where assignments were slightly piling up and I was stressing myself out.
     
  2. Be more outgoing! Maybe do some work experience this year…
    I did and am doing work experience. I also went outside more often with classmates. I made more friends this year. Very good!

  3. Try to… have more self-awareness?? Also be more aware of others and where I am among them.
    I seem to be too aware these days. I am too wary of myself ad my actions. Kind of tiring but it helps me understand others better. Others are also humans and have feelings and are unpredictable (as much as I’d like to predict other people…)

  4. Draw, read, and write more often to keep the creative process ongoing.
    I drew throughout the year in art class and in English. I went to the library more often this year and read more books. I still have more books that I want to read. I also have many ideas for things to write about. I will get to them after summer vacation is fully in swing.

  5. Put more effort towards friends. (For example: go out with them, help them, be more caring, talk to them more, etc.)
    I WENT OUT TODAY WITH FRIENDS. I realized that I am accidentally in many friend groups at once. Tiring as well… That’s not their fault, it’s my own for thinking too much probably.

  6. Be more mature (how vague…) and think more before acting. Think about the consequences, how my action can affect others, and how I feel.
    I think I think a lot more now. A lot more.

  7. Improve handwriting. Printing. I don’t know, just more… good-looking.
    I completely forgot about this one and I actually think that my printing has gotten worse.

  8. Exercise more. Go for runs, practise more table tennis (maybe arrange for more practices??), and do stretches and other exercises more regularly.
    I play table tennis for four hours at a time. I should do other exercises too.
  9. Plan ahead. Like… uh… Watch out for deadlines and get things done ahead of time so that I have time to look things over and get things done to the best of my ability.
    Kind of redundant to be honest. This one is like number 1. Still needs some work, just like everything else.

These days… I have been slacking off. I’ve also gone shopping, watching TV shows, eating, going to table tennis practice, listening to music, and playing various games on electronic devices. I’m having lots of fun. Catching up on my sleep. Still, I feel empty. School is the only thing that takes up my time and brain it appears. Very empty, I am. Anyhow. I might write something one day.

not at all late

I feel like this blog is becoming more and more inactive as I get older. I have only written in increments of three months since the year began.

The end of Grade 10 is approaching in only two weeks. I have four more tests to write this year. I have one more project to complete. Things are really wrapping up now. This year passed very uneventfully. However, I still learned a lot. I learned more about myself. I think more. At least I like to think that I do. I formed more opinions about myself and the world. I matured, mentally. Not completely, but I have improved since last year.

Improvement. And of course, I realize that every year is an improvement from the previous. I just think that this school year, I improved more than in other years. Like other years, it has passed. Like other years, I have passed (my classes). Unlike other years, I made friends. Unlike other years, I did it by myself.

I’m still working on some things. I’m working on finishing this school year on a good note. I’m working on myself. I’m getting there. Hopefully, I figure something out about myself. “Who am I?” — those kinds of things.

“Disguising is one way to hide from others.”
– 
taken out of my English Portfolio

what is on the other side?

I have neglected to write since the start of the year. I think I was… very distracted. By various things. I still am distracted. Some things that I have been occupied by are school, sports, TV dramas, movies, and music. Upon further analysis, it appears that school work and TV dramas are the main cause of this lack of presence on this blog.

School work. It appears that I always care more than I would like to. Especially for group projects. I hate having to make sure I am not being a burden. This is where I get frustrated; I act nice to those who become a burden to me. Why can’t I stand my ground? Why am I not resolute? Aside from an internal struggle with myself, I think I’m doing pretty well for the past two terms. There is one more term of grade 10. I can’t seem to wrap my head around that concept. I have 2 more years to go. Before I know it… it will be over. I’ll have to begin anew. I have to find a purpose in this society. Haha. That sounds funny. Not entirely sure why though.

It is Spring Break, which explains how I found the time to notice that it has been a while since I last posted. There are two more Spring Breaks after this one. There are many things I am going to have to do. I hope I don’t procrastinate. I have many things to do (does repeating this make me feel like I must complete all my homework?). I have to complete my Science Enrichment Project. I have to begin my English Portfolio. I have to read a book (and figure out what I am going to with it). I have to go to the dentist this week. I have to help a school sports team by being their manager (I’m not complaining, I think it will be fun or interesting). Hopefully, I can finish all that I listed just now.

I don’t know what to do now. I guess I’ll be OK. For now.

2019 New Year’s Resolutions!!

It’s me again! I feel like I should go through last year’s resolutions just for fun. But I’m too lazy to do that. Haha. So I will go straight to the 2019 resolutions!

  1. Arrange work in a more organized way (actually follow a schedule!)
  2. Be more outgoing! Maybe do some work experience this year…
  3. Try to… have more self-awareness?? Also be more aware of others and where I am among them.
  4. Draw, read, and write more often to keep the creative process ongoing.
  5. Put more effort towards friends. (For example: go out with them, help them, be more caring, talk to them more, etc.)
  6. Be more mature (how vague…) and think more before acting. Think about the consequences, how my action can affect others, and how I feel.
  7. Improve handwriting. Printing. I don’t know, just more… good-looking.
  8. Exercise more. Go for runs, practise more table tennis (maybe arrange for more practices??), and do stretches and other exercises more regularly.
  9. Plan ahead. Like… uh… Watch out for deadlines and get things done ahead of time so that I have time to look things over and get things done to the best of my ability.

I feel like number eight might be a joke. But hey. Health.

I should probably write these down so I actually do these and not forget about these after a few days. Hmm. Well, it is late, so goodnight!

不请楚

It is November again. Term One of Grade Ten is already over. There is no time for me to yell anymore. I originally planned to yell about how school has just started and how everything is unnecessary. Well I’m here now.

Time makes me mad. Time makes me sad. It makes me sad most of the time. Why is it that time goes on? Why can’t it slow down and wait for me? I can’t seem to hold on to what is going on. Everything at school seems so temporary. Whatever happens, only lasts for a little while and then we all move on. We linger on each chapter for 2 to 3 weeks and then we flip the page.

Studying is difficult. I shove all the information into my notebook (and hopefully my brain) and then show up to school the next day and face the test paper with an empty head. The moment I look down on the paper and closer at the questions the evening before’s study session flows in and I fill in the answers. I don’t know how I do it but — “WOW GLORIA YOU GOT AN A! OF COURSE, YOU DID; YOU’RE SMART!!”

Can I leave now?

It appears that I have become more… mopey compared to the last time I wrote. Is it because I learned a lot in English this year? The only thing I haven’t gotten down properly is the formation of proper sentences. And the depth of writing that is usually required for assignments. I have lots more to work on. Like a lot.

Well then, until next time! Hopefully next time I write about more entertaining happenings. Goodnight!

at last, the hurdle

I have absolutely zero ideas of what to do right now. I have three assessments next week. Thank god it is a long weekend because tomorrow is a Professional Day. Also, tomorrow is my parents’ 21st wedding anniversary. I feel like I should do something for that, but I’m not sure as to what. What do people usually do for anniversaries of this nature?

There is a project upcoming in my Science class and I think that I’m going to be doing it on diabetes, its effects on the human body, how we counter/control it, and the current research. Through this idea, I will create a report and potentially a website to better display my ideas. Hopefully, my teacher approves of it and I can do this well.

I have to write another essay in English. For my first essay, I got 4/6. As many people do when they get curious, they ask me for my mark, which I don’t care whether or not others know. So I tell them, and their response is usually, “Oh, of course,” like they expected that I would get good marks. I really hate when people assume that I am smart. I have to put in a lot of effort to get those marks, only to have others say that I was only putting forth minimal amounts of effort. I do get satisfactory or barely-passing marks. Sometimes when I barely pass something and others find out, they are so surprised and they blame the teacher with some really absurd excuse. Usually, it is not the teacher’s fault.

I think my teachers this year are okay. I mean, they are great at what they do, but some scare me slightly. Some are… weird, but then again who is not weird? It’s getting late and I should probably sleep. Well then, until the next time, and I might write something creative later on!