no pressure

I don’t know how this happened but it is May now. I forgot to write for the entirety of April. March felt like the longest month of my life, April felt like the shortest month, and May is here… also passing by quickly. I have many assignments to complete every week and I have to study for my upcoming AP exam.

I think I’m giving myself more pressure than there actually should be. A lot of my assignments have flexible due dates so it doesn’t matter if I hand it in late. I just dislike how the text turns red when something is past due. I cram my homework in on one day because I sleep in and procrastinate. Honestly, my sleep and work schedule needs some tweaking.

Schoolwork is very boring. There is only one class I am a bit interested in and I have completed my work for it. All my other classes are academic and not much fun. I want to do something fun and more engaging than what I am doing currently. I understand that I shouldn’t go outside right now but I kind of want to. The weather seems nice, although there was a hailstorm yesterday after a large shower of rain. Aside from that, it’s been sunny and there was a weather forecast that said to expect the temperatures to go up.

I go through a cycle of sleeping in, doing homework, playing games, doing more homework, and staying up late playing games or cramming in the work that I had pushed to the side to play games earlier in the day. I’m working on changing that but it’s too comfortable when I wake up in the afternoon. I’m going to need more self-control.

Well then, until next time. Hopefully things will get better soon.

New Year’s Resolutions 2020

Shall I go over last year’s resolutions? I think I did a review half-way through the year as well. So maybe I’ll go through the midway ones. Grey is the original resolution. Blue is the comment that I made in June. Black is me Right Now.

  1. Arrange work in a more organized way (actually follow a schedule!)
    I like to think that I have organized my work in relatively well order. However, I have placed myself in a hard position where assignments were slightly piling up and I was stressing myself out.
    I have begun to prioritize things. There’s no specific order. I think I still need to figure out a better system though. To keep my desk less cluttered.
  2. Be more outgoing! Maybe do some work experience this year…
    I did and am doing work experience. I also went outside more often with classmates. I made more friends this year. Very good!
    I went places with my friends in 2019. Fun! Became better friends with some people and learned how to talk in a better way to people.
  3. Try to… have more self-awareness?? Also be more aware of others and where I am among them.
    I seem to be too aware these days. I am too wary of myself ad my actions. Kind of tiring but it helps me understand others better. Others are also humans and have feelings and are unpredictable (as much as I’d like to predict other people…)
    I am more aware. And I have developed a voice that I use specifically when ordering things and talking to teachers.
  4. Draw, read, and write more often to keep the creative process ongoing.
    I drew throughout the year in art class and in English. I went to the library more often this year and read more books. I still have more books that I want to read. I also have many ideas for things to write about. I will get to them after summer vacation is fully in swing.
    In the first half of the year, I was more creative. In the second half, I was more occupied. I also did not take an art class. Will work on this one more.
  5. Put more effort towards friends. (For example: go out with them, help them, be more caring, talk to them more, etc.)
    I WENT OUT TODAY WITH FRIENDS. I realized that I am accidentally in many friend groups at once. Tiring as well… That’s not their fault, it’s my own for thinking too much probably.
    I have narrowed down my friend group. I don’t know if I really have any friends, but I think I have at least one.
  6. Be more mature (how vague…) and think more before acting. Think about the consequences, how my action can affect others, and how I feel.
    I think I think a lot more now. A lot more.
    Lots think. Yes.
  7. Improve handwriting. Printing. I don’t know, just more… good-looking.
    I completely forgot about this one and I actually think that my printing has gotten worse.
    My printing has gotten better, to be honest. More neat and… I don’t know, mature? 
  8. Exercise more. Go for runs, practise more table tennis (maybe arrange for more practices??), and do stretches and other exercises more regularly.
    I play table tennis for four hours at a time. I should do other exercises too.
    I still play a lot of table tennis.
  9. Plan ahead. Like… uh… Watch out for deadlines and get things done ahead of time so that I have time to look things over and get things done to the best of my ability.
    Kind of redundant to be honest. This one is like number 1. Still needs some work, just like everything else.
    Currently working on it.

Maybe I should make fewer resolutions. Perhaps I’ll go about growth in steps. Smaller steps.

  1. Stay on task. Close other tabs when there is a deadline. Resist the urge to check the phone.
  2. Exercise certain areas at least twice a week.
  3. Clean room and desk regularly.

That’s it. Start small I guess. 2020. We’ll see how it turns out.

just another year – 2019

It has been another year. 2019 has come and gone. I feel that I have changed a lot this year. Not only in age but also in terms of my thinking. Many things occurred this year and different things are on my mind. I worry about more things. Hm. It has been an interesting year.

  1. January: I was still in grade ten. I was adjusting to the fact that I was in grade ten and 15 years old. I sent my sister had flown back in December and left during this month back to Toronto. I had skipped school that day to send her off with my dad. People cried. I didn’t, just a single tear that didn’t even fall 🙂 . School proceeded.
  2. February: Snow! It snowed a bit and school continued. Our table tennis team won third place in the provincial championship.
  3. March: Spring began. I got lots of allergies to the pollen and grass. My dad’s birthday! And spring break, where I went on lots of walks.
  4. April: More spring allergies. My brother turned 8! That’s how old I was when he was born. So weird. I am my brother’s age multiplied by two. My brother also did his First Communion. A day before his birthday.
  5. May: My sister finished her first year of university and came back for her summer vacation. My brother’s school held a fair and we went together.
  6. June: I was finishing up grade ten. I went outside on walks a lot with my sister and the family. My sister flew to Shanghai before us during this month. School finished up very well! I finally got a good report card (straight A). I did a provincial exam and got a very good mark.
  7. July: I went to the Richmond Night Market for the first time with friends. Now it seems sort of funny how some things turn out. I went to Shanghai around the end of the month. Lots of mosquitos. Very hot. Every day was a workout. Lots of restaurants. Lots of taxis. Lots of QR codes. Lots of worrying. Lots of practicing my Shanghainese and Mandarin.
  8. August: We went to Taipei for a week. This stay was extended by around three days because of some typhoons. We had to switch hotels once. I would like to visit Taipei another time. It’s a very nice and clean place to be. People are nice there too. We went back to Shanghai after and we celebrated my paternal grandfather’s 90th birthday. I got to wear a fancy purple dress. I organized a slideshow of pictures to play at the restaurant. I used my terrible Mandarin to communicate with a guy at the restaurant to help me set it up. I almost forgot I went to karaoke with my siblings and cousins. And we had hot pot with them. Lots of fun. On the last day, we had to visit my grandfather in the hospital. Lots of thinking was done.
  9. September: Slept lots until school started. Grade 11. Schedule was great. Except they messed up a class and didn’t fix it until I went to find them and still had to wait an hour for my counsellor to show up and get to me. My friends are in two of my classes. That’s nice. I get to see them every day. Which makes the class more fun! Sometime near the end of this month, I made some people unhappy and that has led to a more awkward relationship with them. I don’t know whose fault it is. I like to think it’s not mine.
  10. October: I turned 16! Fall. School was well underway. I started thinking about why I have friends. I cried once during this month. Weather turned a little bit depressing.
  11. November: Lots of tests and crying over procrastination. Lots of think-thank-thonk. Felt bad because my English mark was very low. Also, I don’t really understand my teacher. Oh well. That’s something to work on this year.
  12. December: Lots of studying went down to bring my math mark back up after being roasted by my teacher. Lots of studying in bio to make sure I wasn’t failing too badly. I’m not even failing any classes, yet I still fail myself a lot of the time. Haha. : )

And now, it’s 2020. One more year until high school graduation. By the end of this year, I will have to have made up my mind. I need to choose a university to go to. I need to choose a Thing that I want to do. But I still don’t know. : ) I guess I’ll figure it out later.

I hope this year is better. I hope this decade is better. I hope things get better. Somehow. I hope I get better. At stuff. : ) Happy New Year!

2020 . 0101

real life

What do I want to do in the future? Which university do I want to go to? What do I want to major in? What job do I want?

Everything at school is now turning to what I want to do. Originally, I felt like that was a good thing. Having choices and freedom; those are some pretty important things. I just don’t know what to do with myself.

I’m 16 now. I can technically go get my L license for driving. Sometime. I should do it soon. Or maybe not. I don’t know.

The time I am having at school is not a great one. I think I messed up my year in the first month of it. I did something. Now someone is still unhappy with me. I don’t know what to do. Should I confront them about it? Should I just let it marinate until we forget about it? I feel like I should ask them about it next week. (yes)

Back to what I want. The things that I want are… to be happy and to go to a place where I feel relaxed. I’m constantly in a state of nervousness or worrying, which is not a wonderful feeling to have all the time. I open an app and I suddenly remember homework, appointments, and projects that I have to do. I’m reminded because of people. People only talk to me about homework. I only have friends because we did a project together or we sat together or they have something that they want from me. I want to have a friendship that relies more on the time that we spend together. Can I just have fun and relax? I don’t want to have to be constantly thinking about work.

I want to have fun and friends that are willing to have fun with me. I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be many people that are willing to do that with me. Or is it me? Am I not willing to go out with other people? Is that why no one asks me? (yes)

I guess I will have to think about this more. But I don’t have that much time these days due to homework. (and procrastination)

Until next time I suppose.

packing it in

Today we began packing for our summer trip to Shanghai, China. As of right now, we have packed most of our check-in luggage. For me, most of the items that I packed into mine are actually not my things. My things probably take up a quarter of the space. Oof : )

While opening some packaging, I got a paper (cardboard) cut. On three fingers, but only one bled. I’m very smart. Anyhow. I’m slightly worried that I will forget to bring something or I will bring too much or bring something I’m not supposed to bring. There are lots of things that I am thinking about these days, for no actual reason. Or maybe there is a reason, but I’m overthinking about it. Or perhaps it is not for me to worry about. But I’d like to help and not feel like a terrible person by not thinking about it. Oh well. I guess I’ll go with the flow again.

Stomachache. I feel like my appetite and ability to eat a lot has decreased this year. And the ability to digest. Or maybe I eat too much now. I don’t know but food is good and I eat either way. Instead of thinking about it, I just go with it until I feel uncomfortable or something like that. Going with the flow~.

Until next time… Maybe I’ll be elsewhere when I post again, or maybe I’ll be back from my trip!

mid-year reflection 2019

Just for fun, I will be reviewing my New Year’s Resolutions from January this year. Perhaps I might mope as well. Anyhow, I am going to reflect on this past year and look forward to this second half.

  1. Arrange work in a more organized way (actually follow a schedule!)
    I like to think that I have organized my work in relatively well order. However, I have placed myself in a hard position where assignments were slightly piling up and I was stressing myself out.
     
  2. Be more outgoing! Maybe do some work experience this year…
    I did and am doing work experience. I also went outside more often with classmates. I made more friends this year. Very good!

  3. Try to… have more self-awareness?? Also be more aware of others and where I am among them.
    I seem to be too aware these days. I am too wary of myself ad my actions. Kind of tiring but it helps me understand others better. Others are also humans and have feelings and are unpredictable (as much as I’d like to predict other people…)

  4. Draw, read, and write more often to keep the creative process ongoing.
    I drew throughout the year in art class and in English. I went to the library more often this year and read more books. I still have more books that I want to read. I also have many ideas for things to write about. I will get to them after summer vacation is fully in swing.

  5. Put more effort towards friends. (For example: go out with them, help them, be more caring, talk to them more, etc.)
    I WENT OUT TODAY WITH FRIENDS. I realized that I am accidentally in many friend groups at once. Tiring as well… That’s not their fault, it’s my own for thinking too much probably.

  6. Be more mature (how vague…) and think more before acting. Think about the consequences, how my action can affect others, and how I feel.
    I think I think a lot more now. A lot more.

  7. Improve handwriting. Printing. I don’t know, just more… good-looking.
    I completely forgot about this one and I actually think that my printing has gotten worse.

  8. Exercise more. Go for runs, practise more table tennis (maybe arrange for more practices??), and do stretches and other exercises more regularly.
    I play table tennis for four hours at a time. I should do other exercises too.
  9. Plan ahead. Like… uh… Watch out for deadlines and get things done ahead of time so that I have time to look things over and get things done to the best of my ability.
    Kind of redundant to be honest. This one is like number 1. Still needs some work, just like everything else.

These days… I have been slacking off. I’ve also gone shopping, watching TV shows, eating, going to table tennis practice, listening to music, and playing various games on electronic devices. I’m having lots of fun. Catching up on my sleep. Still, I feel empty. School is the only thing that takes up my time and brain it appears. Very empty, I am. Anyhow. I might write something one day.

what is on the other side?

I have neglected to write since the start of the year. I think I was… very distracted. By various things. I still am distracted. Some things that I have been occupied by are school, sports, TV dramas, movies, and music. Upon further analysis, it appears that school work and TV dramas are the main cause of this lack of presence on this blog.

School work. It appears that I always care more than I would like to. Especially for group projects. I hate having to make sure I am not being a burden. This is where I get frustrated; I act nice to those who become a burden to me. Why can’t I stand my ground? Why am I not resolute? Aside from an internal struggle with myself, I think I’m doing pretty well for the past two terms. There is one more term of grade 10. I can’t seem to wrap my head around that concept. I have 2 more years to go. Before I know it… it will be over. I’ll have to begin anew. I have to find a purpose in this society. Haha. That sounds funny. Not entirely sure why though.

It is Spring Break, which explains how I found the time to notice that it has been a while since I last posted. There are two more Spring Breaks after this one. There are many things I am going to have to do. I hope I don’t procrastinate. I have many things to do (does repeating this make me feel like I must complete all my homework?). I have to complete my Science Enrichment Project. I have to begin my English Portfolio. I have to read a book (and figure out what I am going to with it). I have to go to the dentist this week. I have to help a school sports team by being their manager (I’m not complaining, I think it will be fun or interesting). Hopefully, I can finish all that I listed just now.

I don’t know what to do now. I guess I’ll be OK. For now.

2019 New Year’s Resolutions!!

It’s me again! I feel like I should go through last year’s resolutions just for fun. But I’m too lazy to do that. Haha. So I will go straight to the 2019 resolutions!

  1. Arrange work in a more organized way (actually follow a schedule!)
  2. Be more outgoing! Maybe do some work experience this year…
  3. Try to… have more self-awareness?? Also be more aware of others and where I am among them.
  4. Draw, read, and write more often to keep the creative process ongoing.
  5. Put more effort towards friends. (For example: go out with them, help them, be more caring, talk to them more, etc.)
  6. Be more mature (how vague…) and think more before acting. Think about the consequences, how my action can affect others, and how I feel.
  7. Improve handwriting. Printing. I don’t know, just more… good-looking.
  8. Exercise more. Go for runs, practise more table tennis (maybe arrange for more practices??), and do stretches and other exercises more regularly.
  9. Plan ahead. Like… uh… Watch out for deadlines and get things done ahead of time so that I have time to look things over and get things done to the best of my ability.

I feel like number eight might be a joke. But hey. Health.

I should probably write these down so I actually do these and not forget about these after a few days. Hmm. Well, it is late, so goodnight!

不请楚

It is November again. Term One of Grade Ten is already over. There is no time for me to yell anymore. I originally planned to yell about how school has just started and how everything is unnecessary. Well I’m here now.

Time makes me mad. Time makes me sad. It makes me sad most of the time. Why is it that time goes on? Why can’t it slow down and wait for me? I can’t seem to hold on to what is going on. Everything at school seems so temporary. Whatever happens, only lasts for a little while and then we all move on. We linger on each chapter for 2 to 3 weeks and then we flip the page.

Studying is difficult. I shove all the information into my notebook (and hopefully my brain) and then show up to school the next day and face the test paper with an empty head. The moment I look down on the paper and closer at the questions the evening before’s study session flows in and I fill in the answers. I don’t know how I do it but — “WOW GLORIA YOU GOT AN A! OF COURSE, YOU DID; YOU’RE SMART!!”

Can I leave now?

It appears that I have become more… mopey compared to the last time I wrote. Is it because I learned a lot in English this year? The only thing I haven’t gotten down properly is the formation of proper sentences. And the depth of writing that is usually required for assignments. I have lots more to work on. Like a lot.

Well then, until next time! Hopefully next time I write about more entertaining happenings. Goodnight!