real life

What do I want to do in the future? Which university do I want to go to? What do I want to major in? What job do I want?

Everything at school is now turning to what I want to do. Originally, I felt like that was a good thing. Having choices and freedom; those are some pretty important things. I just don’t know what to do with myself.

I’m 16 now. I can technically go get my L license for driving. Sometime. I should do it soon. Or maybe not. I don’t know.

The time I am having at school is not a great one. I think I messed up my year in the first month of it. I did something. Now someone is still unhappy with me. I don’t know what to do. Should I confront them about it? Should I just let it marinate until we forget about it? I feel like I should ask them about it next week. (yes)

Back to what I want. The things that I want are… to be happy and to go to a place where I feel relaxed. I’m constantly in a state of nervousness or worrying, which is not a wonderful feeling to have all the time. I open an app and I suddenly remember homework, appointments, and projects that I have to do. I’m reminded because of people. People only talk to me about homework. I only have friends because we did a project together or we sat together or they have something that they want from me. I want to have a friendship that relies more on the time that we spend together. Can I just have fun and relax? I don’t want to have to be constantly thinking about work.

I want to have fun and friends that are willing to have fun with me. I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be many people that are willing to do that with me. Or is it me? Am I not willing to go out with other people? Is that why no one asks me? (yes)

I guess I will have to think about this more. But I don’t have that much time these days due to homework. (and procrastination)

Until next time I suppose.

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